"I can't imagine her reading a book quietly or making herself a sandwich or listening to music all alone.
It's as if she can only exist when she's with somebody else."
We shouldn't live life for an audience. It's important to actively relate to other people, and to exist in relation to other people. However, I think sometimes we get too caught up in relating. We need to be able to exist on our own.
Every once in a while, I take a step back in my life and think of this quote. Lately, I've been thinking about it in relation to the college years. During the college years, you're constantly meeting new people. When you meet someone new, your immediate impulse is usually to find common ground. It's comfortable.
Even when you're past those surfacey stages and you're really getting to know someone better, there's still often a struggle to relate perfectly. It's like the end goal of every human interaction is a flawless connection. And too many people depend on those connections as their only source of fulfillment.
Disclaimer: I am not advocating that people be antisocial or saying that people shouldn't strive for connection. You should. I love connecting with other human beings just as much as the next kid.
However, it's healthy to nourish our individual existence and autonomy.
I included the picture on the right because for me it represents the role that autonomy plays in personal fulfillment.During high school, I once found a page in the newspaper that said "FIND YOUR HAPPY PLACE." At that point in my life, I was just starting to discover what my internal happy place was, and what external activities helped me get there.
That newspaper page hung on my wall throughout high school as I made my room my own little haven: the place where I covered one wall entirely with quotes, where I crafted collages, where I penned crappy poetry, where I painted abstractions on my nails, where I sang, where I swallowed novels whole, where music played endlessly, where I wrote and wrote and wrote, where I sipped hot chocolate, where I practiced photography, where I studied scriptures, where I succumbed to sweet, sweet sleep.
I still have that newspaper page today. It's a yellowed and tattered reminder that I established my own internal happy place a long time ago, and that I need to revisit it as often as possible. I value time spent connecting with other people, and doing so keeps me sane. However, I need to remember to cherish alone time and to embrace autonomy.
Today I celebrated my internal happy place by turning out the lights in my room, lighting a candle, lending Miles Davis an ear, sitting still for a while and thinking about where I've come from. I feel at peace and recharged. I'd recommend it to other human beings.
